I was asked a tough question by a friend and wanted to seek your wisdom, oh great internet friends! Here's the question:
"how did you know you were ready to have a kid? i want kids, i'm just trying to make sure that now is the right time for them. how did you know you were ready to not have a life anymore (and you can't say you didn't have a life anyway).
my wife is ready. i'm just trying to make sure i'm mentally ready (not fiscally ready)"
Since I'm asking for your wisdom, I will share some of our story.
We talked about having children before we dated. We talked about it again before we married, and a bit after our wedding. When we went to visit Anny's brother and his wife one spring they shared with us that they were expecting! Great excitement for them, but it also made something click in Anny's head. We had more frank and honest discussions in the weeks that followed. I will not get into the tough stuff about getting from "trying" to "having" a baby in this post, but let's just say the Abby's cousin was almost four years old and had a sister by the time Abby rolled around.
Factors that we discussed in decision making:
Money: Honestly, this was always my first argument. It's expensive to have a child, moreso than we thought even. We cut back on some things and consolidated others.
Our Relationship: We were best friends before we began dating. We got closer then. By the time we were ready to add a third party to our party, we both wanted to be sure that we were solid with each other.
Time: We didn't ever spend a whole lot of time doing things that would be affected by a child. We don't do spontaneous trips to Niagara Falls or take lavish vacations. Our trips are almost always planned well in advance and involve a trip to see family.
Energy: We're not old, but I have a condition that makes me drained on occasion. This was a major concern for me in our discussions, and continues to be from time to time. I have had to learn to "fake" being awake, especially in the middle of the night. This is not an issue for most 30 year olds, but it's something that we had to consider.
What things did you have to come to terms with? What conversations did you have? What were heated parts of your decision process? Where did you decide to disagree but move on?
I think that my friend might be looking for reassurances that he would be a good father (which he would) but want to give him some food for thought. I'm not going to respond to him until after the holiday weekend, so please ask others to pop over here and share some wisdom.