I assumed that I would be over it by now, but I'm just not.
Here's the difference, with no explanation. I'm sure that you can guess what these statements are in response to:
"It's an amazing experience, and I'm sure you're going to have fun with it!"
"It's over. Your life is over."
The statement that elicits such responses is simple: "We're having a baby." (Blue is a womans response. Orange is a mans.)
Men and women just react differently to each other upon hearing the news. It should not come as a shock to me, but I guess it still does. Women will often share their stories of everything except the actual birth part of having a child. (pregnancy skips right to seeing the beautiful baby) Men, on the other hand, tend to start with the actual birth part, and get right to how little time they have to themselves and such.
I know that not having alone time is going to happen. I'm okay with that. I know that we won't get to go out to dinner every weekend, and that's okay too. I know that I won't see a movie in a theater for several years, and then all of the movies will be either in cartoon form or with lots of singing.
I love my wife, and I know that she will change. I will change. We will change together. We've lived through a lot of good and bad times in our years together. Change happens everyday, with or without a little girl in the picture. (or boy, but for my purposes I know it's a girl!) The key is how we will deal with that change.
Will we yell at each other? Absolutely.
Will we love each other? More than ever.
Will we secretly wish that the other one would leave the house with the baby so that we can get some sleep? Yes.
Will we secretly wish that the other will leave the house WITHOUT the baby so that we can have some one on one time? Undoubtedly.
I guess that I'm posting this as a reminder to myself later to break the trend. When another guy says to me "hey man, we found out we're having a baby" I want my reply to be better. I want to set a trend of "wow, that's awesome man. Let's hang out!"
Any other good advice I should be keeping in mind for now or later?
There are some moments (in the middle of the night when you REALLY REALLY REALLY want to get to sleep, or just have a few minutes for yourself) that you might get frustrated with having something around that depends entirely on you for its survival. I think the most important thing is to try to step back and keep some perspective. Think about the most incredibly heart-melting smiles, coos, and giggles that she'll make; think about tossing a baseball around with her in the yard; think about taking her to the zoo to giraffes with "looooong necks!"; think about holding her in your arms at night while she sleeps; think about holding your wife as you watch her sleep in the crib... a toddler bed... a big girl bed! It does take time away from other things that you may have used to have time to do, but the time you spend with her really is so much more fulfilling than a movie. Yet, also remember to continue to take time for yourself - one or two nights a month. And remember that in 18 years, she'll be going off to college and you'll have time to do all kinds of things for yourself again, but you'll be the wiser for all of your experiences with her.
ReplyDelete"Kids - they're a lot of work.... but they're worth it."
So, print out your blog post and keep in on the back of the nursery door. Read it daily to remind yourself and to keep perspective. Perspective can be so easy to lose when it's 3 am and you haven't slept yet.
well you will be one of the best dad ever. it will be different but you have two other households that will watch her if you need a nap.... lol. but the men that say a baby ruins your life never had a baby, so you cant really take what they say seriously. oh ps i typed this on the wii, it was a bad idea.... lol
ReplyDeleteWell, you know... I have several children (haha)...so really..take my advice with a grain of salt but both my mom and my friend Dawn who just had her second said that they missed out on so much w/the first one trying to be the perfect parent. My mom says that as long as they're loved, fed, and dry..life is good. Don't sweat the time they eat, how many ounces, etc. Just be in the moment each moment.
ReplyDeleteOh, she also said that the best babysitters are those that live in apartment buildings in College Park and have brown hair. :)